Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional

I've been reading Rick Hanson's book Buddha's Brain, a fascinating and very readable presentation of the neuroscience behind mindfulness practices. Recently these practices, including relaxation and mindfulness meditation, have received support as viable treatments and, unlike medications, there are very few side effects.  I have been finding myself recommending mindfulness meditation to clients suffering from anxiety, depression and impulse control disorders.  It is a nice way to develop resilience and self-efficacy while enhancing health through decreased tension.  There is even a smartphone app called Mindfulness Meditation that can walk you through several basic meditation routines.  While not a panacea, mindfulness practice can be very helpful.

One quotation that I have found especially helpful in re-framing problems that we all struggle with is: "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." What I like about this quote is that it highlights the role the sufferer has in the creation of his or her misery.  Pain cannot be avoided.  It is an essential though unpleasant aspect of being alive.  We can, however, choose to accept this reality instead of engaging in the grandiose fantasy that pain can be avoided or negated.  We often find that the pain, once regarded as intolerable, is actually manageable once we let go of the delusion that it can be avoided.

So much of what my patients come to treatment for relief from is the by-product of frantically trying to avoid discomfort.  Alcohol, drugs, sex or compulsive shopping all promise relief from, or at least avoidance of pain but in the end they only create suffering.

Using mindfulness techniques can help us "sit with" and tolerate all of our feelings, painful or otherwise, and to function with resilience.  Our culture of immediate gratification and pursuit of the latest and greatest makes this hard but we can choose to exercise mindfulness just like any other muscle.  When we do, we live more intentional and satisfying lives.

Coping with adult ADHD

Impulsivity, a core symptom of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), can make life miserable for adults trying to cope with the disorder.  In an increasingly demanding world in which multiple sources vie for our attention and push us toward impulsive acts, we can have trouble sorting the "necessary" from the "appealing."  After all, that is exactly what advertising is all about.

Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. (Original article here: http://tinyurl.com/n4dc8z2) suggests that each ADHD sufferer experiences his or her symptoms differently so it is important to really understand your specific manifestation of impulsivity.  She goes on to suggest that people with ADHD engage in the following three practices:

Practice being mindful.  This can help you respond rather than react.  Mindfulness helps center and keep you grounded.  If you are paying attention your level of arousal or excitedness you can monitor your reactions.  Impulsivity in many ways is the opposite of mindfulness in that when we are mindful our minds are calm while impulsivity requires that the mind act without reflection. 

Challenge negative thoughts, and take action.

Ask yourself why you became impulsive.  What feelings or thoughts came right before the impulsive acting out?  Can you challenge those thoughts or feelings and learn to tolerate them rather than flee them?

Make it harder to act impulsively.

Tartakovsky asks "does your impulsivity lead to pricey shopping sprees? If so, “leave your credit card and checkbook at home. Put the items you’ve chosen on hold for 24 hours, so you can decide if you really do need or want them,” 

27 Relaxing Things to do This Weekend

From PsychPost

Original post here:

http://tinyurl.com/kpyxo73

This weekend, take some time to genuinely relax and unwind. Take kind care of yourself. In fact, give yourself a break. A real one.

Here’s a list of ideas to get you started, whether you have 50 minutes or five.

1. Learn to meditate.
2. Practice this body scan.
3. Visit the library or bookstore, and pick out a new book (or an old favorite). Curl up on a comfy chair, or thumb through your book while sipping a yummy drink. Or bring it home, or bring it to the beach.
4. Have a picnic at the park, beach or your backyard. Feast on your summer favorites, like berries, burgers, frozen yogurt, pasta salad, popsicles, watermelon and corn on the cob.
5. Try a yoga class — in person or online. Anna, founder of Curvy Yoga, offers a great collection of videos, podcasts and written practices (all free!).
6. Put on your softest, most comfortable clothes.
7. Sit by a sunny spot, and let the sunshine envelope you. Savor the silence, or focus on the sounds swirling around you.
8. Give your hands (and your neck) a massage.
9. Put on classical music, sit back, and close your eyes.
10. Take a long shower or a bubble bath. Focus on how the water feels against your skin. Breathe in the aroma of your body wash or shampoo. Listen to the water cascading down. In other words, focus intently on your shower or bath. Be in the moment.
11. Get up early to watch the sunrise.
12. Or sleep in, and take a bit longer to get up, enjoying the warmth of the covers.
13. Jot down a few pages in your journal, in the morning or at bedtime. Or take a journaling break during the day.
14. Veg out for a few hours, watching your favorite shows. (Brian and I just started watching “The Big Bang Theory,” thanks to my mom, who loves the show. It’s hilarious! We laugh every few seconds. Seriously.)
15. Try this guided meditation or this one.
16. Whatever you’re doing, wherever you are, take several long, deep breaths.
17. Make sand castles.
18. Drink a cup of green tea, savoring each sip.
19. Visit the botanical gardens.
20. Eat at an outdoor cafe.
21. Spend a full day outside. Breathe in the fresh air.
22. Read poetry in bed.
23. Find peace within yourself.
24. Cook a simple meal. It’s amazing, for instance, how washing and chopping vegetables can put you in a kind of lull, in a kind of rhythm that soothes you.
25. Speaking of rhythm, try doing laps. The repetition of your arms and the cadence of your breath is super calming. I’m a terrible swimmer, but doing laps in the pool — I like to think of my lap style as “the fish” — feels both exhilarating and relaxing.
26. Think of five things that make you happily sigh with relaxation. Then add them to this weekend and the rest of your week.
27. Tend to yourself. I love this tip from Rachel, which I included in another piece on 20 ways to unwind.

“When I need to rest and restore, I tend,” said Rachel W. Cole, a life coach and retreat leader. She defines tending as “care with intention.” And it can take many forms.

Cole tends to her home by cleaning the sheets, washing windows and “getting rid of unused and unloved items.”

…

She also whips up delicious and nourishing meals in her kitchen. And on some days, she tends to her finances and “need for a walk in the sunshine. Tending brings calm, order, and a deep reminder that I’m cared for and safe.”